Five Suggested Scents For Hotel Lobbies

Walk into most nice hotel lobbies and you might notice that the place smells really nice.

Seriously, walking into these places is like biting into a fresh ice cream sandwich, only with your nose... and you know... not really like that at all.

Apparently, the hotel industry puts a lot of money into the olfactory aspect of their business, but could they be selecting their scents more prudently?

Allow me to offer up five new scents for all the hotel owners out there to consider.

1. Bacon

Bacon, as we all know, is delicious and savory, so, why not waft the scent of hot, sizzling, meaty goodness in the general direction of the reception desk? The world is growing fatter, you might as well take advantage of it... and charge extra for the oversized mattresses.

2. Leather

Leather is a very versitile scent. You might have classy leather furniture that you'd like to accentuate, or a bellhop with a bad ass leather jacket and a motorcycle. You'd also gain a niche market with all the fetishists you'd bring in.

3. Grilling Combo

Charcol, kerosene, and flames- man is that awesome. Just avoid booking the arsonists and pyromaniacs who might get the wrong idea and you're in the clear on this one.

4. A Ton Of Weed

California is on the path to legalizing marijuana, and why not show some support for the movement by just having all your employees make sure all baths drawn in hotel are herbal... Also, for synergie's sake, make sure that the White Castle next door has its ventilation pipes blowing full force into the elevators.

5. The Smell of One's Own Farts

The South Park, San Francisco special. Just prepare for high levels of smug and you'll be fine...

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Current Bankroll: $32.01

That Was Almost Awesome...

Just came in 38th place of 4133th players in another $2 NL Hold 'Em tourney.

Got knocked out, on a bad play on my part: Called with my 10th place chip-stack, pre-flop, and ran into a brick wall:

All in all, though, this was a really good showing- if not a bit disappointing, seeing as I was at one point in 4th place, and on pace to win hundreds on this one...

Bleh... anyways, given the recent success I've had lately with tournaments, I think I'll be playing more of them now, despite the fact that they have greater variance than cash games.

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Current Bankroll: $30.38

Does Your Tattoo Say "I'm An Idiot"?

For those of you who don't know, it is against Jewish law to tattoo or pierce your body.

This picture was sent to me by a reader of mine, whose Jewish friend, seen here, probably doesn't realize that in expressing his Jewish heritage on his skin, he has, in fact, denigrated it.

This tattoo is also somewhat disrespectful to the victims of the Holocaust, who were forcefully tattooed by the Nazis while living in the ghettos. Remember, "never forget," right?

So, congratulations, my friend, you've actually managed to become a bigger tool than all those people walking around with Chinese symbols on their bodies, without knowing the language. (Sure, they all say it means "courage" or something, but for all they know, it probably says "pig-fucker"... and they'd still be showing it off.)

I would say this is sacrilegious, but I'm not really one to talk, seeing as I hold a competition yearly with my friends to see who can break fast on Yom Kippur fastest. Hanukkah Harry has never been kind to me...

Awkward Moments: Identical Twins

There is a stage in the very beginning of every relationship, acquaintance, and familiarity where it is perfectly OK not to remember someone's name. Actually, come to think of it, nowadays, it's probably better if you don't know someone's name before you really get to know them, seeing as they might think you've been stalking them for sometime on facebook and skeeving over their pictures on a nightly basis.

In any case, after you've spent a certain amount of time around an individual, it becomes awkward not knowing their name.

For most people, getting names down generally isn't a problem. I, personally, have some methods of keeping them in my head: say their name a couple of times when I first meet them, add them to my phone, take their wallet when they're not looking- all good methods.

Identical twins, however, are a total mindfuck, for me, at least, when it comes to name-remembering, and hence, avoiding awkwardness.

The problem never arises when you see one of them walking by, or even when you sit down with them for a meal (though they might find it odd that you're avoiding their name and saying "hey you" a lot, but still). No, the problem always seems to arise when you're trying to explain to people who you were just talking to, or hanging out with, etc.

Were you hanging out with Bill or Brian? Suzy or Cindy? Hell, you really don't know. You can't just ask, "hey, which one are you, again?" can you?

This situation always leads to the uncomfortable questions that often lead nowhere, such as, "was it the hot one or the meh one?" That's sort of a shallow question now isn't it? Not that you care, you're just trying to figure out which one to friend on facebook, but you can't tell from the pictures because they're both in both of them.

In any case, if you couldn't already tell, I have enough awkward moments as it is. Perhaps we can convince our identical friends to wear nametags, or have incredibly different haircuts- something like that.

Or, they could fight to the death...

Just sayin'...

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Current Bankroll $21.53

Things I Can Now Afford With My Poker Winnings, Vol. 2

With all the money I'm winning through poker right now, I've decided to explore what things I could afford with my current bankroll (I'm still thinking about what I'm actually going to do with the money, BTW).

Today's Possible Purchase:

Stephon Marbury's...

...last. ounce. of. sanity.

And, there's enough money left over to buy...

A pair of his sneakers to match!

UPDATE: Ok, now he's running things or maybe people over in his car.

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Current Bankroll: $21.53

Progress Report: 7/28/09

Finished in 84th place of 5037 players in a $1 tourney. This brings the bankroll from $16.36 to $22.82.

I'm tired. Play me off, Keyboard Cat.

Yeah, I told you so.

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Current Bankroll: $22.82

In Defense Of Online Poker

Before I start this defense of online poker, it should be noted that there are a good deal of people that consider poker to be a game of skill, and that it should not be made illegal under the online gambling ban. However, that's not the argument I'm making, whether it's true or not.

To support online poker, please visit the Poker Players Alliance, here.

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Everyone has their vices. Some are more destructive than others. Some people have drinking problems, some people are addicted to sex, and some people seem to think that the Black Eyed Peas are tolerable "musicians."

In all seriousness, though, for some people, gambling is a big problem, and having it readily available on the internet could be an issue. There's no doubt about that.

Really, I think that poker is a leisure time activity that, like a good beer, needs to be enjoyed responsibly. There is such a thing as too much, and there are people who spend money playing the game that they simply shouldn't spend or don't even have.

However, for the US government to ban online poker sites is essentially penalizing the many for the mistakes of the few. This ban is similar to what it would be like if the use of privately-owned automobiles was banned because of an increase in drunk drivers, except not quite as crippling to our national thoroughfare, and as advantageous to Charles Barkley.

Furthermore, in a similar situation to the legal status of marijuana in the US, the government seems to be forgetting that there's money they can make on this! Why not tax the poker rooms for their US players and get some much needed cash during the recession? I'm not suggesting you toke it up while you're playing poker, but if both were made legal, you can bet that the US would be taking a lot more green to the bank.

Finally, by making it harder to play poker online, a part of our culture is essentially dying. While I'm not really sure that the American Dream was meant to be achieved by playing poker, the online game was an opportunity for the strategically sound amongst us to at least have a shot of making it big. Of course, that kind of mentality has lead to a good deal of people going broke, but isn't that kind of a bit of "survival of the fittest" in action?

In any case, the US government's ban on online poker is an infringement on our rights, and more importantly, our ability to take sucker's money, and that's... wait for it...

UNAMERICAN!!!

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Current Bankroll: $16.36