The New York City subway system is, in my mind, the greatest transportation system in the world. Sure it's rat-infested, and yeah, you'd be hard-pressed to find a inch of it that hasn't been urinated on by a homeless man, but it still gets you anywhere in the city for just over two dollars a ride.
Unfortunately, riding the subway often brings you face to face with some of the less pleasant people in our great country.
Enter the, uh... colorfully dressed woman in the picture here. See that briefcase-sized handbag there? Well, that handbag and I got on the train at the same stop when it's owner strutted ahead of my dad and I, and placed it down on the lone seating location that would have fit both of us in the car (this is where you get to make a fat joke at my expense; I'll pause while you snicker).
Anyway, as my dad took his seat, I was somewhat amused by the fact that our new friend here (the owner, not the bag- though they might have had similarly absent personalities) seemed to be ignoring the fact that I was attempting to sit. So, I shrugged and offered a polite "excuse me," expecting the bag to be placed either on the woman's lap or maybe even on the floor.
Of course, this is where I was wrong. No such action was taken, and the bag was not moved. Instead, the owner gave me a quick, pissed-off glance and feigned an attempt to make space.
It was at this point that I realized that I had to attempt to sit on this woman's handbag. In poker, this would be the equivalent of calling someone's bluff, I suppose. Sometimes, of course, you get burned when someone turns over pocket rockets, or stabs you with a knife, but that's part of playing poker, and riding the subway, respectively.
While I didn't successfully get both cheeks on the bag, there was an audible gasp when I began my descent, and before you could say "ugly sweater," there was at least a little room for me to sit next to my dad on our way up to work. Father-son moment, saved.
Really, if your bag is ever so important that it needs its own seat, maybe you shouldn't be riding the subway with it. This is not your personal limo up to work. This is not the place to sit pretty and look good, not for you it isn't anyway. This is the place to sit down, keep to yourself, and not make, what can only be defined as, a dick move. You're just lucky there wasn't a miniature dog in that bag- I would have had no problem jumping on your inbred pet.
Anyway, remember kids, the moral of this story is that, in both poker and life, when obnoxious, frumpy individuals refuse to make room for you, sit on their purses.
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Of course, there are always worse things that can happen on the subway.
Current Bankroll: $0.00
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