Friday, July 3, 2009

The Road to Obesity: Bigger Toilets


Lately, I've heard a lot from my friends about toilets from Japan that, apparently, save you some of the energy from the tiresome task by wiping for you. I'm not entirely sure whether this bodes worse for the ever-increasing laziness of our human race, or just the sanity of my friends.


That aside, it seems to me that, in a world that is growing smaller, simply because we as people are growing fatter, an auto-wiping toilet (which involves some spritzing by the way... not sure if that's for everyone) is not going to cut it.

This is why I encourage toilet-making companies to begin magnifying the target, so to speak. Yes, I realize that bigger toilets use more water, but I fear that if we don't make the sacrifice now, the world may suffer for it down the road.

Of course, larger toilets would have other positive effects on our society, outside of indulging the plumper amongst us. For instance, this adaptation would also indirectly make life a great deal more pleasant for the well-endowed amongst us. No longer having to grab one's junk to avoid it from ending up in an unsavory watery fate should be reason enough to consider this advancement in the bathroom.

Finally, consider larger toilets a great new way to combat anorexia. In order to correctly diagnose a victim of the disease, one simply needs to stand outside of the bathroom of the person in question. If, in a matter of seconds, a loud "plop" followed by disgusted shrieks are audible, your friend most likely needs to eat a sandwich. At this point, find a way to open the bathroom door, and rope to extract the anorexic from the toilet.

This post brought to you by Great John Toilets. Because they DO listen.
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Current Bankroll: $0.00

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