The Pokemon Generation Grows Up

Fifth grade was a magical time for me. Before the terrible acne, before the dorky glasses, before the repeated traumatic pantsings, I lived my life with a simple purpose.

You see, at the time, Pokemon had just come out, and it soon became apparent that if I didn't catch all 150 critters, and become a master of the Pocket Monsters, I'd become a complete social reject.

Thankfully, after playing countless hours of the video game, spending considerable amounts of my parent's money to obtain a solid collection of the trading cards, and watching all of the cartoons and movies that I could, I successfully became a Pokemon master, and staved off becoming a nerd. (Whew, that was close...)

However, as important as having a level 100 Weezing is to one's being cool, well-liked, and hygienic, there are some things that the game taught my generation that might not serve them well down the road:

1. Setting Unrealistic Goals

Not to be a total downer, but it's very unlikely that you'll ever become the best in the world in anything in life. You can become good at something, like baseball, being a dentist, or tiddlywinks, but you probably won't ever be the best living person to do what you do. This is especially true when you're a pre-teen with no education, and your best friend is a yellow, electric rodent.

2. Family is Completely Worthless

This one I'm actually on the fence on. If you're the young child of a single mother who thinks that it's ok for you to travel an entire world away from home on foot, without plans of ever coming back, perhaps you'd be right to leave the premises. At least Mom is always there to heal your Pokemon whenever you decide to come back to Pallet Town, but really, isn't there something creepy or at least wrong with that? Teaching children that their mom belongs in the kitchen for life, waiting on your every whim, isn't really healthy, is it? (Of course, in some of the newer games, your Mom does travel some, but why is there never a male presence back at home waiting for you?)

3. Breaking and Entering is Your Right as a Citizen

No one ever seems to call the cops on you in the Pokemon world, perhaps because they're a bunch of lazy bastards that won't budge or let you into places unless you get them a drink. That being said, the amount of trespassing that you're required to do in Pokemon games is on par with the amount of times pervy blogger-nerds have oggled Erin Andrews (Yes, I realize, that does hit a little close to home). In any case, you can't just walk into a corperation's headquarters, steal things from there, and expect not to get taken down by security.

4. No One Actually Works a Job

Aside from the folks in the Pokemon Centers and the PokeMarts, it would appear that most individuals have nothing better to do than to stand out in a field, waiting for Pokemon battles from you. You'd think there'd be more jobs in an economy where Pokemon are present. For instance, it's never quite clear where or when Pokemon have access to a bathroom. If we have people IRL who's job it is to follow Elephants in a parade with a broom and a shovel, surely we could have some sort of a similar sympathetic character in the video games.

5. Money is Easily Obtainable

Once you defeat a trainer in Pokemon, any of them, they somehow feel compelled to give you money for wiping the floor with them. I've never understood this practice, as you'd think that someone could just pull a gun or a knife and quickly turn the tables, what with the law not really being present most of the time. However, by the end of Pokemon games, when you're coming up on the Elite Four, you usually have enough money to buy an entire nation's worth of Full Restores, Ultra Balls, and Revives. If being a Pokemon trainer is so profitable, why aren't more people doing it than your inbred rival?

Anyway, I do realize that Pokemon is simply a game, but with so many impressionable kids playing it, you'd think they'd be a little more careful with the messages they send.

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So, are Pokemon edible? I'm pretty sure there was an episode where Team Rocket tried to make money by cooking and selling Tentacool, so whatever happened to Kentucky Fried Pidgey?

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