Poker Hands That'll Make Me Die Young, Vol. 1

I'm down about five dollars today. Normally, I'd say that's to be expected, since I'm really a terrible poker player. However, recently, I'm not entirely too sure I'm to blame.

Observe:

So, right here, I've flopped a set of 4s. This is kind of like pulling into a parking lot and finding that there is exactly one spot open, right near the front entrance. However, being that I've been hitting bad beats for some time now with some regularity, I'm already bracing myself for the worst.

After pushing my set hard, there's one last guy in the hand with me. The turn shows a 10, which doesn't concern me too much, aside from the possibility of a straight draw. However, after pushing him in for so much, I don't see too much on the board that can beat me.

Another 10 hits on the river, giving me a full house, and while I believe that he might have hit trip 10s, I can't believe that he's going to have anything that beats my full house. So, finally, I push another maximum bet into the pot, while doing my victory dance, by the way. He calls and shows...

...

No way.

I could go back and detail exactly how awful a play this guy made in order to suck out the pot, but I think I might have an aneurism while typing it out.

And that, my friends, is poker, for all intents and purposes.

---

Current Bankroll: $10.80

Progress Report: 6/29/09

Tonight I'll be playing two freerolls on Full Tilt Poker:

23:40 ET - No Limit Hold 'Em - $100 Freeroll - Lost in 1,478th place.

Lost on a terrible decision to raise the big blind from the small blind with A7 offsuit. The big blind player raised to put me all in, and being the fantastic idiot that I am, I called. My opponent turned over AQ, and sent me packing.

01:40 ET - No Limit Hold 'Em - $100 Turbo Freeroll - Lost in 1,360th place.

Ugh... suffered a terrible, swift kick in the stack on this one. Went in from the dealer position with J7 and the flop comes 977. One opponent stays in with me, and I feel a double up coming. The next card is a 9, giving me a full house, my opponent raises heavily and I re-raise to go all in. Of course, he calls, turning over 95, giving him the higher full house which he hit on the last card.

My internet was pulling its best pre-subway ride Ruth Madoff impression during this tourney, and it kept going into hiding. This knocked me out of several hands that I wanted to play and raised my blood pressure to undoubtedly unhealthy levels in the process.

The moral of this story: The only thing more annoying than Verizon's "can you hear me now" guy is the internet service that his company provides. It amazes me how painfully stupid these people are.

Once again, you can find me at the tables by searching my handle "0 and 1".

To make the money in these tourneys you need to be in the top 27 out of 2,700 players.

This process is frustrating, but whenever I get down, I have my ways of making myself feel better.

Current Bankroll: $0.00