Exploring the Possibilities of Fireworks

Fireworks, when you really think about it, are the sushi of explosions. Both sushi and Fireworks stand as exceptions to the rules that we generally conduct our lives by, in that you generally avoid eating raw fish and being in the proximity of explosions. They also both share the distinction of bucking these rules, while managing to be quite enjoyable and delicious.

As we approach July 4th, however, fireworks will probably be the more patriotic, and safe option between the two. This rings especially true if you're in the company of any WWII vets who may mistake your support of Japanese cuisine, along with the celebratory explosions on TV, as a tribute to the infamous Pearl Harbor bombings. Nothing ruins a holiday weekend like an old man nailing you with a shot gun, screaming deliriously, "That'll learn ya, goddamn Japs!"

That kind of racism is unacceptable.

In order to let you take full advantage of all of the fireworks that will fill the air on Independence day, let's take a look at all the fun activities that one can partake in with fireworks.

Activity #1: Scare people until they soil themselves.

Being startled by fireworks doesn't make you cowardly, stupid, or even un-American. Being startled by fireworks is a good thing. It means you still have the instincts necessary to run from explosions when you hear them, and that's something that a lot of people seem to have lost.

That being said, fireworks' ability to terrify the masses has the potential to be somewhat amusing. The inevitable post-traumatic stress of young children is surely a small price to pay for such a momentous, hilarity filled occasion, isn't it father of the year? In short, this is a good time had by all, and there's no way it could end badly.

Activity #2: Alarm clock

This is probably an extension of activity #1, but it seems to be such a widely accepted practice, that it deserves its own place in this post.

Activity #3: Draw fans to games played by awful teams.

Of course, when your organization is a joke, things tend to go poorly with this too. Ouch.

Activity #4: Make a grand entrance.

Not a terrible way to announce your arrival.

Activity #5: They may be enjoyable to watch.

---

Happy nearly July 4th weekend, everyone.

Current Bankroll $0.00