Imagine if you walked up to Megan Fox.
Congratulations, you would now be the proud new owner of a broken spine, courtesy of however many bodyguards Ms. Fox had hired for the day.
Alright, that was predictable.
Let's try this again. This time, we'll assume that Megan Fox's entourage is at a Transformers 2 afterparty, and they've all been trapped in Shia Lebouf's cloud of pitiful acting and general douchebaggery. This is your big chance.
After getting through the crowd, and stumbling through introducing yourself to her, you're surprised to find that she really likes you. A lot. She starts telling you that she wants you so badly, and she starts running her hands through your hair, working herself up against you in an incredibly too-sensual-for-public fashion.
You're completely taken aback by this, but you suddenly step back and think to yourself, "Oh God, I wish I'd brought a bag or something to conceal this massive erection."
Really, though, the thing you should be thinking yourself is, "wait... there's no way that Megan Fox, whom I've just met for the first time, is eagerly anticipating a romance explosion from the likes of me."
I feel that this line of thinking is not one that enters the minds of the great mass of Facebook quiz-takers.
You see, Facebook quizzes, the ones that I've seen anyway, have a tendency to tell every one of their participants that they are basically brilliant, good looking, fun to be around, badasses.
The thing is though, I know a lot of people on Facebook that take quizzes that aren't brilliant, good looking, fun to be around, badasses. I know a great deal of people in this world that have been all but dropped in a white-hot pool of molten stupid. Telling these people that they will someday rule the world, or something along those lines, is along the same lines of leaving George W. Bush in charge of the United States of America- except possibly worse because now you have a million more misguided morons polluting the collective mind of our earth.
Listen, I'm not saying that we should cull out all the Facebook-quiz takers and weld giant lead duncecaps to their heads. That would probably get me put on some government watch list or something.
What I do suggest, however, is that we create a fair number of quizzes that, when answered poorly, administer a giant red stamp reading "unfit to procreate" to the failure's Facebook page that will permanently be grafted over whatever profile picture they choose to present themselves to the internet with.
Also, Megan Fox.
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